IT Outsourcing Humor

If you're an IT professional you probably haven't thought of offshore outsourcing as a particularly funny topic. It certainly hasn't been something I've laughed about. Well I've got to hand it to CIO Magazine (August 1, 2006 issue) for bringing some humor to the issue. If you're from the US or even Canada and don't like satire, you're probably best advised to move on. For those that do like satire, say if you're fans of The Onion, read on… And note the following are meant to be tips to IT workers in far away lands on how to work with their North American counterparts.

1. Don't bother reading all 323 PowerPoint slides sent to you as an e-mail attachment. No one thinks you actually will. However, everyone will be incredibly impressed if you ask a question about slide 287.

2. If your North American counterparts seem to be agitated, it is because of the constant consumption of expensive caffeinated beverages. To feign empathy, suggest that they try shifting from Venti to Tall.

3. The term ASAP (as soon as possible) means, “work on this quickly and with no regard to quality until I've forgotten that I asked you to do it.”

4. When talk shifts to the current American president, play it safe and politely reply with, “He is different than his father, isn't he?” In 2009, be prepared to change the question to, “she's different than her husband, isn't she?”

5. Status meetings exist to allow attendees to complain that because they've attended so many other meetings since the last monthly status meeting they haven't actually accomplished anything. Do not mention all the things you have accomplished as you will simply antagonize everyone. Instead, ask for a deadline extension.

The project management profession has also been poked at. Checkout my small collection of project management humor.