Answering SEO Client Questions Using Normal People-Speak

Clients ask a lot of crazy things when it comes to SEO. Well, maybe not so crazy considering they don't live and breathe SEO like some of us. To help handle these questions, I've come up with a bunch of metaphors that eliminate the SEO-speak that very often doesn't click the way you want it to. They've all got a health spin to them since many people have thought about their health at one point or another.

Client: Can we do SEO after the site launches?
SEO Expert: Yes you certainly can, but this is like eating cheese fries first and then working out. Most of the workout will go towards offsetting the damage you've done from eating the cheese fries. You'll need to work out again to actually see a net health benefit.

Client: Can we just do these tactics and ignore these other tactics?
SEO Expert: Technically yes. But that's like taking half of your doctor's diet advice and eating the broccoli, but not the whole grains. You'll get the benefit of the broccoli, but much of that will be wasted because you don't have the energy to do anything since you skipped the whole grains.

Client: Can we optimize our content, but skip fixing the technical problems?
SEO Expert: Once again you can, but that's like thinking you're eating healthy because you had a salad covered in blue cheese dressing.

Client: Can we do SEO for one month and then stop?
SEO Expert: I'm happy to take your money if that's what you want, but you're basically training for a race for 1 month followed by sitting on the couch for 11. Do you think you're going to come first in the race?

Client: The holiday season starts next week, what can we do?
SEO Expert: Nothing really impactful. It's like expecting to pack on 50 lbs of muscle for next week's weightlifting competition. Ain't gonna happen no matter how hard you work out.

Client: Are there any easy tricks we can do?
SEO Expert: Like steroids? Yeah there are some tricks, but have you read about JC Penney?

Client: Our products are the best in the industry, Google should rank us #1.
SEO Expert: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear, does it still make a noise? OK, that one strayed from the health theme I was using, but it seemed so perfect!